Dear Guys Who Don’t Get It,
Thanks to the new age of #SwipeLife, people think they can just ask whatever they want without having to deal with the consequences. You can simply unmatch with the person and never hear from them again. Let me just explain why it is not okay to ask someone extremely personal questions. I am sure guys know this but in case they do not, it is never acceptable to ask a complete stranger intimate questions. Social media allows us to hide behind screens and say anything our hearts desire without any real consequences. Especially when it is literally the first statement. On dating apps, some guys start off a conversation with a question.
- “Hey, how’s your day going?”
- “Did you enjoy the weekend?”
- “Is your name short for something?
And my favorite
- “What’s the most exciting place you have traveled to?”
See, these are questions a nice gentleman would ask. Actually, these are questions any normal person would ask to initiate a conversation. But unfortunately, these questions are surprisingly rarely asked. I get more questions that are either jaw-dropping or eye rolling.
I have had guys ask me:
- “What is your bra size?”
- “Can I see where you pee?”
And my favorite
- “How did you get those scars?”
Yes, I have scars. A lot of them. Yes, I have injuries. A lot of them. Are you allowed to ask me? No! Oh, you’re just curious? But you don’t have the permission to ask me about them. Oh, you were just wondering? You don’t even know me. We just swiped. We never met. Your first question should NOT be “How did you get those scars?” Ask me when’s my birthday. Hell, ask me what’s my ethnicity. Because ironically enough that is more acceptable to ask than about my scars.
You see, the thing is, you don’t know me well enough to ask something that personal. Not to mention, what makes you think I would tell you over something as meaningless as a dating app? Texting/Emailing/Messaging is such an impersonal way to share something as meaningful and dear to someone. These are experiences in life that have created a huge impact on them. Explaining how I got my scars on a dating app to a guy, no not a guy, but to a picture seems ridiculous. I don’t know you. I don’t know if I even like you. Why would I share such intimate details of my life with you? I compare it to meeting the parents. You don’t want your parents to just meet anyone. It is an intimate thing that you save for someone you think is truly worth introducing to.
I understand that my scars stand out and it is something unique about me but there are other things that make me different from the rest. Be curious about something else other than my scars. Look at my pictures. Check out the background. Be curious about where I took that picture or what I am drinking. Ask me which band or DJ I saw at the festival. Just trying to make conversation? Read my profile. Ask me why I like to steal hoodies. Noticing these small details will set you apart from all the mediocre guys out there. It shows you are interested in more than just my body, and that is a start.
If my scars bother you, don’t swipe.
If my scars bother you, don’t ask.
Move on to the next profile. That’s the beauty of this swipe life. There are so many women out there that don’t have scars. Swipe right on one of them.
Personally, I can roll my eyes and scoff at your stupidity but there are people out there with physical marks that are results of some traumatic events. They don’t deserve to have some inconsiderate person ask them to relive those traumas.
So please, do us all a favor.
Ask the right questions or don’t ask at all.
Don’t Swipe right if you are going to be inconsiderate.
There’s more to us than our scars.