Don’t Swipe. Don’t Ask

Dear Guys Who Don’t Get It,

Thanks to the new age of #SwipeLife, people think they can just ask whatever they want without having to deal with the consequences. You can simply unmatch with the person and never hear from them again. Let me just explain why it is not okay to ask someone extremely personal questions. I am sure guys know this but in case they do not, it is never acceptable to ask a complete stranger intimate questions. Social media allows us to hide behind screens and say anything our hearts desire without any real consequences. Especially when it is literally the first statement. On dating apps, some guys start off a conversation with a question.

  • “Hey, how’s your day going?”
  • “Did you enjoy the weekend?”
  • “Is your name short for something?

And my favorite

  • “What’s the most exciting place you have traveled to?”

See, these are questions a nice gentleman would ask. Actually, these are questions any normal person would ask to initiate a conversation. But unfortunately, these questions are surprisingly rarely asked. I get more questions that are either jaw-dropping or eye rolling.

I have had guys ask me:

  • “DTF?”
  • “What is your bra size?”
  • “Can I see where you pee?”

And my favorite

  • “How did you get those scars?”

Yes, I have scars. A lot of them. Yes, I have injuries. A lot of them. Are you allowed to ask me? No! Oh, you’re just curious? But you don’t have the permission to ask me about them. Oh, you were just wondering? You don’t even know me. We just swiped. We never met. Your first question should NOT be “How did you get those scars?” Ask me when’s my birthday. Hell, ask me what’s my ethnicity. Because ironically enough that is more acceptable to ask than about my scars.

You see, the thing is, you don’t know me well enough to ask something that personal. Not to mention, what makes you think I would tell you over something as meaningless as a dating app? Texting/Emailing/Messaging is such an impersonal way to share something as meaningful and dear to someone. These are experiences in life that have created a huge impact on them. Explaining how I got my scars on a dating app to a guy, no not a guy, but to a picture seems ridiculous. I don’t know you. I don’t know if I even like you. Why would I share such intimate details of my life with you? I compare it to meeting the parents. You don’t want your parents to just meet anyone. It is an intimate thing that you save for someone you think is truly worth introducing to.

I understand that my scars stand out and it is something unique about me but there are other things that make me different from the rest. Be curious about something else other than my scars. Look at my pictures. Check out the background. Be curious about where I took that picture or what I am drinking. Ask me which band or DJ I saw at the festival. Just trying to make conversation? Read my profile. Ask me why I like to steal hoodies. Noticing these small details will set you apart from all the mediocre guys out there. It shows you are interested in more than just my body, and that is a start.

If my scars bother you, don’t swipe.

If my scars bother you, don’t ask.

Move on to the next profile. That’s the beauty of this swipe life. There are so many women out there that don’t have scars. Swipe right on one of them.

Personally, I can roll my eyes and scoff at your stupidity but there are people out there with physical marks that are results of some traumatic events. They don’t deserve to have some inconsiderate person ask them to relive those traumas.

So please, do us all a favor.

Ask the right questions or don’t ask at all.

Don’t Swipe right if you are going to be inconsiderate.

There’s more to us than our scars.

 

 

27 Comments Add yours

  1. Kiani says:

    Oh my god your response are actually still so tolerant, I’d literally be telling guys to fuck off. You’re amazing girl !

    Liked by 1 person

    1. haha thanks!!!! These guys have caught me in a good mood lol

      Like

  2. You do make it difficult for me now not to ask after your scars, but I will contain myself. Luckily, I am not one of those guys who would ask those horrible questions, but I am not on any dating sites and I am sure you don’t have to be either. You seem like somebody capable enough to meet people in real life. Nice people. Decent people.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha, I know curiosity got us all but I doubt if we ever met on a dating site that the first thing you say to me is a question about my scars.

      I don’t necessarily have to be on dating sites because I’m fully capable of meeting someone out in the world but dating apps and the internet in general introduces us to this great pool of people we never expected to me… like this, I would have never met you if it weren’t for blogging.

      Hi there, I’m Ruky ^.^

      Like

      1. Hi Ruky, I am Mike. Yes, if it weren’t for wordpress, we would have never met. And dating sites are nice for meeting people. Unfortunately, the creeps are also on there.
        Comparing scars is something people usually do in a relationship, isn’t it?
        Pleased to meet you.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yea there are creeps everywhere. They just get to hide behind 5.7 inches.

        I wouldn’t mind comparing scars over drinks. It seems fitting.

        You’re Dutch?

        Like

  3. Hahaha. I like the way you talk. I am definitely going to read more of your blogs over time.
    Yes, I am Dutch. Where are you from. Drinks would be nice.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha I’m glad you enjoy!!!

      ACTUALLY, my friend Bregje who’s from Lieden was the one who inspired me to title my blog, “Memories of Majestic Men” because I find the Dutch just so Majestic ^.^

      I’m from NY. I just recently went to The Netherlands for King’s Day. I had a blast! I hope to go to Rotterdam next ^.^

      Like

      1. You fins the Dutch majestic … that is a great compliment to the Dutch.
        Leiden is not far away. About an hour by train. Nice place. Been there a couple of times.
        Rotterdam is nice. Never ever go to Amsterdam. Terrible. All the tourists go there.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I find the Dutch very majestic… They glide everywhere they go, never walk lol.

        Haha I’ve. been to Amsterdam. It’s not so bad. I went there for King’s day for a music festival and just to explore. A lot of weed… and the red light district lol

        Like

      3. We love our bikes, we do. It is a good thing this country is so flat.
        I went to Amsterdam last month to play with the band in the vicinity of the red light district … omg.
        It is always very crowded in Amsterdam on King’s day. Lots of parties.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Omg the bikes!!! Actually I was more impressed with the boys 4 corner urinal stations.

        It is crazy crowded but the best is seeing a guy walk out from there lol.

        You know I actually didn’t go to any parties except the festival. I missed out.

        Like

      5. Don’t they have those urinal stations over there where you are?
        Don’t shake hands with guys who just walked out of one of those urinals.
        You did miss out.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. nope America is slow in those perspectives…

        I NEVER SHAKE HANDS WITH A GUY EVER!!!!

        There’s always next time ^.^

        Like

      7. You never shake hands … wow. You do kiss them on the cheeks?

        Liked by 1 person

      8. damn… maybe… yea… cheeky cheeky… only if they are cheeky 😄

        Like

      9. Haha. Well, I will try to remember. Next time I see you I will offer you my cheek and not my hand.

        Liked by 1 person

      10. cheeky cheeky!!!

        Like

  4. Oh girl preach! I like the idea of meeting so many new people online, but then it’s things like this where it’s like “wow, okay I feel as though I’m getting nowhere”. Your replies are gold

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thanks!!! It’s really hard sometimes. Continuously filtering through smh

      Like

  5. Partly agree with you on this, as I immediately unmatch anyone who asks anything pervy or god damn weird!
    BUT never settle for a “how are you?”…what you want is a first message that really catches you out and makes you smile. Aim for something a little different! 😍 xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. honestly after bumble, I’m ok with “How are you?” it’s kinda hard. Also, I’ll take that over “What happened to your leg?”

      Liked by 1 person

      1. With you on that, too!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Heidi Love says:

    Fabulous post. I love the last line, “There’s more to us than our scars.” I write a blog featuring women of courage; if you have an interest in a feature please let me know. Either way, nice to meet you and looking forward to reading more.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. yea for sure! There are some under “Rise of the Phoenix”

      Like

  7. You make a great point. My ex-husband had a scar on his forehead and he got so sick of answering the question “where’d that come from?” he made up a story involving cops and a runaway squirrel.
    I think curiosity is good, but respect is so much better. As you say, there are lots of ways to initiate a conversation. And it doesn’t always have to be “small talk” it can be things like, “What made you laugh yesterday?” Or, what’s the coolest thing you’ve read in the last year?” We can do this better–and I think our post is the start of many interesting conversations. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. omg for sure. Honestly, it wasn’t until someone told me it’s not ok to ask did I realize… it wasn’t ok. People asked me all the time, I’d sigh and answer, and I’ve asked people too (mostly bc like hey let’s swap battle scar stories) and then when my friend told me why it’s not ok for people to ask me did I realize… wow yea not ok

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s