This was probably one of those dates where I truly wanted to give up on the whole idea of dating. I honestly can’t believe just how ridiculous it was.

There I was on Plenty of Fish going about my day when a cute guy sent me a message. He seemed nice and we got to talking. First off, I am a big believer in giving someone the benefit of the doubt. He wasn’t 100% my type. He seemed a little awkward and nervous on his profile, but I figured it was just jitters. I also ALWAYS have to talk on the phone before seeing the guy. I honestly feel like people just talk differently over message versus on the phone. Duh, no surprise there.

So there we were going on talking and texting all day. Randomly calling each other while we are both running different errands on this random Wednesday we had off. I’m about to get ready to have dinner and I’m thinking, Hey why not see if he wants to grab a bite from a local bar. I mean we have been talking all day.

Here’s the thing about online dating. You can either talk endlessly for days and never actually meet. Hit it off right away and meet up within a very short period of time (sometimes with me it can be a few hours… if I am being honest). Or do the normal thing of talking for a few days on the app, exchanging numbers, talking for a few more days there and then finally meeting. If you know me, you know I like being impulsive sometimes.

“Hey there! I was wondering if it would be too forward to ask if you wanted to grab a bite to eat. I know we both were out and about running errands so figured we could relax with a beer and fries.” (yeah, I am the purple convo)

“Yeah! Sounds good. I’m with my brother now but just text me the address.” (My date in hunter green)

“Awesome! See you soon.”

There I was sitting at the bar and in he walked with a big smile on his face.

“Hey, I’m Ruky! Nice to finally meet the guy I was talking to all day.”

“Haha same here, I’m (Actually let’s be honest, I can’t remember his name for the life of me)”

We exchange hugs and then…

“This is my brother (I don’t remember his name either to be fair)”

YOU BROUGHT YOUR BROTHER!!!!!!!

I’m pretty sure I had absolutely no poker face. You could read it all in my eyes… WHAT THE FUCK! YOU BROUGHT YOUR BROTHER!!!!! TO OUR FIRST FUCKIN DATE!!!!!

His brother, “Yea but don’t worry, you guys have your date. I’ll just sit at the bar.” (this fucker can be red)

Me- Still dumbfounded as fuck. DUDE I’M SITTING AT THE BAR! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WILL JUST SIT AT THE BAR! Ughhhh… My dating life… is such a joke. Ok just smile and wave girl! Smile and Wave. You got this. You’ve been on worse dates than this…

MY DATING LIFE… IS SUCH A JOKE.

“Yea, let’s go sit at this table.”

To say the conversation at the table was definitely forced on was purely an understatement. He was beyond nervous, and I was just trying to make the best out of this awkward situation.

“Sorry, I was with my brother, and he was driving me around so I told him that I was meeting you, and he wanted to meet the girl that I was talking to all day.”

“Oh cool” Fuck Ruky, remember you are driving so you are going to have to pretend this seltzer has vodka in it and pray this date will be over sooner rather than later.

I can’t begin to count how many dates I’ve been on where I needed to pretend my seltzer was pure vodka… 

“Hey FOOD IS HERE!” Oh great, here’s the brother. “Hey! Don’t eat my fries!”

“Oh sorry, I thought this was mine.”

“Yea my brother doesn’t like it when people touch his food.”

“Well too bad, he shouldn’t have mixed his food with ours.”

Oh dude, don’t give me that impressive smirk.

Ladies and gentleman, this was where the date took a turn. At that exact moment was when my date felt like a third wheel. His brother spent the next two hours making me laugh my ass off. The more I tried to ignore him, the more I realized he was just hysterical. He wasn’t even my type. My date was more of the type that I am physically attracted too. My date was tall, lean and cut from his job as a mechanic. His brother, a touch shorter and brolic as anything. I’m not into big muscular dudes. They just seem too douchey for me… sometimes a little cunty.

The rest of the date, I watched the brothers sing Italian karaoke and just make absolute fools of themselves. I had the pleasure of witnessing my date attempt to be a romantic by serenading a song to me. How could I tell him to stop? He was making one of my favorite songs be linked to a bad memory. So bad that I can’t even remember what that favorite song was. All I could think of was geez man, this was so corny. When will this end? Stop looking and pointing at me while you sing! 

This is ughhh!

I watched my date get crazy nervous and feeling inadequate next to his brother who was clearly stealing the show. I did my best to make him feel better but man, WHO BRINGS THEIR BROTHER TO A DATE!!!!

Want to know how this awkward date ended? The moment my date stormed off. Apparently, I am a magnet for guys who love to just storm out of a restaurant. My date threw a fit and left the table when his brother, you know, the brother who hates people touching his food, brought a cup of olives to the table and I said, “OH MY GOD I LOVE OLIVES!!!” and I stuck my hand into his cup of olives and started eating them. All his brother did was laugh and eat the olives too.

“You hate when people touch your food!”

The loud bar became eerily quiet for a moment. Man did that outburst just make it more awkward than before.

You see, my problem was that I always try to make a bad situation better. My friends always ask me why I let these situations happen when there are CLEAR SIGNS it was going to be a COMPLETE DISASTER!!! I just don’t like just giving up at the first signs of trouble. It just wasn’t nice. Like, let’s try to make this situation better by laughing. Because maybe, by laughing, we can forget our troubles and enjoy life.

YOU KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE A DISASTER WITHIN 5 MINUTES!!!

My date storming off… yea that is my cue to leave. PEACE!!!

I threw a $20 on the table and started walking out. His brother ran up and gave me my $20 back, “Women should never pay for a date, especially when it is a bad one.”

Ugh even the brother knew this was a joke!

I walked to my car when my date ran up to me and said, “hey, sorry about that, let me walk you to your car.”

Ok, clearly your Italian mother has raised you boys well and respectable. He opened the door to my car and SHOCKER!!! Tried to kiss me!

Dude… no. Just no.

I awkwardly shook his hand and said sorry I don’t kiss on a first date, (that’s a classic lie I tell to guys who I never want to see again… LIKE EVER!)

Fast forward every day for the next week. He kept calling me asking when we were going to see each other again. It was just more pathetic than I could admit… Aside from the fact that the date was less than great, honestly, I had so much fun with his brother. Yeah, I can’t date you. It sounds like the three of us would end up on Jerry Springer.

Just a note, DON’T BRING YOUR BROTHER TO YOUR FIRST DATE!!!